Thursday, 27 November 2014

Crimson

So were the findings I scattered..
Alone, and flowers I gathered for you..
So were they, in crimson nights, to falter..
But so was I, to forever wait and ponder..
Of you, in crimson mornings I blossomed..
By divine melodies they sang, was watered..
And sunrays pierced through my soul..
And winds beckoned the smells to linger..
Then scattered all my findings to heavens..
And stars looming and moon in pending..
So were they, like I, for eternity yearning..
For you, there is no point in waiting..
If eternity shall not end..


Saturday, 11 October 2014

The Day I Came Out

Not long ago I met a girl whom I very much admired and liked for her wits and beauty and giving that I had always been with men, I thought this was only a passing flare of mere admiration and a little bit of jealousy that would fade away as soon as I see/meet a man I wanted to be with. Not long after, I knew I was wrong.


There was always this kind of curiosity about other sexualities that neither I nor anyone else could comprehend, but I never wanted to extend my curiosity to the level of experiment lest I ended up hurting someone in the process, let alone the pain of being judged or labeled as something I was not. Don't get me wrong, the company of men, whether emotionally or sexually, was and still is fulfilling- but, what if this is only what I was raised up to feel? I thought to myself.  What if it felt as, if not more, fulfilling with women? What if there is a part of my sexuality that is yet to be discovered?

As these questions rushed into my head, I felt extremely guilty and ashamed for wanting to experiment and inflect my own 'sickening' curiosity upon others. I felt ashamed for desiring something that my society deemed as forbidden and repulsive. Ashamed for having those whims of mine that eventually led me to thinking the concept of being with a person of the same sex was acceptable as long as I was only experimenting.

Before then I had never had any hard feelings toward homosexuality and seemed to only embrace this choice when it was associated with others but not me. So basically, what I was doing was not only judging myself, but also being a hypocrite.

The journey with sexual acceptance started with respecting my body and self. After being around many people (family, friends, boyfriends) who bore not the fact that a girl had much more to her than her vagina and spot in the kitchen, after I proved them all wrong by rebelling and facing the world out there on my own, I knew my worth. I understood that being a woman was no different from being a human being- that maybe everybody around me would underestimate my abilities, think of me as a creature which all it could do was mate and serve, and keep me home for the fear of letting me out on my own would lessen the odds of causing my family shame (by the same things men would do but were deemed rather 'manly' and 'tolerated')- all of which didn't mean I had to treat myself the same. Better yet, I knew it was time I forced them all treat me differently.

Things hence changed, and so did my whole life. It turns out the more you respect and tolerate yourself with all its flaws, desires, insanities and beliefs, the more successful and life-loving you get. Then, only then there's no stopping you from what you have always wanted to be. That's what happened to me.

My self-image was consequently reflected in the way I perceived people, especially women. Deep down I know they are not any less than men, so shouldn't be my feelings toward them. I dated girls and I liked it and I am not ashamed of it. I am no longer ashamed of being with one because I never feel ashamed while being with a man.



Today October 11th happens to be National Coming Out Day in the US and Europe maybe, but not where I live. Nonetheless I had to seize the chance of remembering when I came out as bisexual and how important it was to finally come to embrace it. Many said I was still in an in-between phase, others said I didn't know what I wanted, others believed I had threesomes and had to be with a guy and girl at the same time (LOL, yeah), and others thought I was only scared of admitting to being a lesbian. NO! I am bisexual and that's about it. (Further rationalization in the video below)



I also need to seize the chance to thank whoever never judged me for it. Those who accepted me for what I was and am and did not use it against me or pretend to be fine with it, you know who you are, thank you!



Thursday, 28 August 2014

Content

If it wasn't for the fear of losing..
I would have conquered your within..
I would have extinguished your marrow flames,
With water flowing down my womb..
I would have stolen the good in you..
Left you to nothing but ashes and bones..
If it wasn't for the fear of falling..
I would have come ease your pain..
And mine, you would have done the same..
But that you are close, yet far away..
I am content..
 Or my heart only tells me so!


Monday, 7 July 2014

Essence


Crawl into me and do fill..
For void is my essence and you..
Like air, shall sear in my lungs..
If you don't exist, then how can I?

The Veil


A night is..
but a veil..
hide our failure..
but to collide..
through our bodies..
I don't feel..
the you atop..
the me inside..


Friday, 4 July 2014

Nightgazer

Consciousness could not go to sleep..
When eyes the heart was, wide awake..
Observing your beauty that flickered..
And as the sun set..
I gazed into the horizon..
Only to find you gone..


Sunday, 29 June 2014

Why I Choose to Be Kind (Even When You're Not)

After being struck by life ordeals and let down by almost everyone and everything they hold dear, people often- if not always- decide on downsizing their expectations and faith in selves and others. They willingly relinquish all that makes them what they are in the hopes of straying off the path of pains and heartbreaks caused by those they love. One day they wake up and decide they no longer want to be kind to anyone, including themselves. Some succeed in achieving that; they go on in their lives believing that merely being mean and hurtful to people will keep them safe and strong. Some others spend their whole lives in constant attempt to stop being kind- they try over and over to be someone they're not, and they fail all but one thing: hating themselves.

I used to be that type of person, wanting and trying so hard to be something other than myself, to be unkind and somehow avenge those who caused me harm and even those who didn't. I tried to become those kids who once bullied me in school, to become my father who abused me, to become my ex-boyfriend who lied and manipulated me, to become the world full of rage, cruelty and hideousness. I failed, thus I hated myself.

But then during my spiritual growth phase, I taught myself how to love each and every aspect in me. Dare I not admit kindness was the hardest one to embrace; the fear of dropping my defenses and showing my true self seemed to never end; let alone the self-doubts. It took me years and more brain cells that I could afford to eventually go back to being the good me.

But how do we really do it? How do we come to desire kindness to be part of us again? I asked myself the following questions:
Is being good an instinct or a choice?
- What are the Pros and Cons of kindness?
- What's the true color of the people who hurt me and I want to be like?
- Why do I censure myself that much? And what will happen if I do otherwise?
- Fuck what others feel or think, but is it fair to me? Is it worth it?

Of course the answers to those questions did not rush into my head right away as I asked them. It takes quite a lot of mental workout to perform daily to eventually get to the bottom of it.


Being kind to anyone is initially an innate quality that's later in life affected by several factors, depending on how one's raised and what they experience during their lifetime. However, when goodness is no longer the most common or favorable quality according to our world standards, choosing to be good manifests great power, self-esteem and self-respect that's not likely to one day shaken or falter.

When you, with all your will, pick the path less traveled by; nothing will ever make you doubt yourself.

On the other hand, those who make the easy choice of altering themselves into something they are not so that they can cope up with the world are nothing but fragile impudent little brats. And I'm telling you, they get nowhere with it- not to mention- are incapable of feeling satisfaction with their own choices, because, well, they're never pleased with themselves.

When Malala Yousafzai was interviewed by Jon Stewart, she spoke of her thought about how she'd react to a Taliban member if he came to kill her. Instead of throwing a shoe on him that would make her no different than that terrorist, she said she'd try to use reason and dialogue to change his mind. The young girl stands firm for her beliefs and refuses to allow someone to downplay her ethics, even when a life is at stack.

I confess there're times when the human condition brings me to my knees. Wars, violence, poverty, hunger, abuse, discrimination; it all makes me cringe and want to finish off the human race- also that time of the month (the perks of being female)... oh! And when I'm hungry (please let us not go there, I just had dinner).

 So I'm not saying we should be 24\7 kind to everyone, turn into hippies of some sort, smoke up all day and call out for 'love, joy and happiness', it's neither mentally nor physically doable.

All I'm saying is be kind whenever possible. Be kind in a world that's in a grave need for a movement of kindness to sweep away all its dreadfulness.
Be kind even when they're not- no, especially then. May it inspire them to do the same.

And lest we forget, be kind to yourself!


Thursday, 20 February 2014

Answers

I was looking for a man with answers, what I did not know that neither answers had somebody to go to.

Answers, those I bore as truth, were just like me..
taken for granted
left behind
forlorn
unfortunate
undesired
misunderstood
mistreated,
and alone.

Along the way only one answer did get lucky, one truth had me to go to..
that there is no God,
there's no such thing as a man with answers!

Monday, 27 January 2014

2013/2014 Winter Playlist


Tenhi – Rannalta Haettu (listen here)
Flackenbach – Eweroun (listen here)
Agalloch – Odal (listen here)
Dargaard - Ave Atque vale (listen here)
Jaaportit – Suon Sulaessa (listen here)
Ulver – Island (listen here)
:Of the Wand and the Moon – Sunspot (listen here)
Chelsea Wolfe – We Hit a Wall (listen here)
Kauan – Pirut (listen here)
Officium Triste – Your Heaven, My Underworld (listen here)
Autumn, Leaves, Scars – Things That Shall Be Burned (listen here)
October Tide – Adoring Ashes (listen here)
Eternal Tears of Sorrow – Angelheart, Ravenheart (Act I, II, and III) (listen here)
3rd and the Mortal – Why So Lonely (listen here)
Woods of Ypres – Alternate Ending (listen here)
30 Watt Sun – Carry Me Home (listen here)
Slowdive – When the Sun Hits (listen here)
Arctic Plateau – On a Sad Sunny Day (listen here)
Les Discrets – Le Mouvement Perpétuel (listen here)
Alcest - Les Voyages De L'Ame (listen here)
Deafheaven – Vertigo (listen here)
Summoning – Flammifer (listen here)
Ihsahn – Regen (listen here)
Grizzly Bear – All We Ask (listen here)
Mogwai – Special N (listen here)
Russian Circles – 1777 (listen here)
Lantlôs - .neon (listen here)
Amiina – Rugla (listen here)
Morne – A Distance (listen here)
Cult of Luna - Vicarious Redemption (listen here)
Six Organs of Admittance – When You Finally Return (listen here)
Opeth – Deliverance (listen here)
Dream Theatre – Illumination Theory (listen here)
Steven Wilson – The Raven That Refused to Sing (listen here)
The Ocean – Pelagial (Instrumental) (listen here)
El Morabba3 – Ma Indak Khabar (listen here)
Mazzy Star – Flying Low (listen here)


Listen to full Playlist here

Saturday, 26 October 2013

Silver Lines

Skins of silver lines..
My plain dress, you stripped..
Figures divine..
And if averse..
Your roots reach out for mine..

Thursday, 20 June 2013

Report: Global Olympic Dolphins Campaign In Egypt

Event: Global Olympic Dolphins Campaign Protests

Date: June 15th, 2013

Location: Aquarium Grotto Garden in Cairo, Egypt





Earth's oceans and the future of entire species stand at the verge of dilapidation as nations of the world feel supercilious enough to desecrate a content that covers 70% of the surface of the planet, and wipe out a whole species of sensitive, highly intelligent cetaceans that evolved over millions of years; namely dolphins & whales.

The whale & dolphin hunt is carried out by many countries like Denmark, Iceland, Norway and Japan – particularly Taiji- that drew the world's rage and resentment over its annually dolphin drive hunt for meat and trade after it was videoed and broadcasted live by Sea Shepherd. The world got to see the brutality of it, how families of dolphins were barbarically slaughtered while young ones were taken captive for dolphinariums. Thus, a global campaign dedicated to bringing the international condemnation of the Japanese whale and dolphin hunts to the attention of the International Olympic Committee in the run up to Japan’s 2020 Olympic bid –quoting OD- was launched and protests are being held on the 29th of June worldwide


In Egypt, due to the ongoing unrest, the protest was held on June 15th at Aquarium Grotto Garden حديقة الأسماك بالزمالك, organized by Dina Zulfikar (Animal Rights Activist), Mahmoud Fouad (Marine Ecologist & Nature Conservation Consultant), Dr. Kohar Garo (Professor of Zoology at Cairo UNI.) and Dr. Yasser Adel (Assistant Professor at Desert Research Center).

The event started by the arrival of guests: Dr. Moustafa Fouda (Director of Nature Conservation Sector, EEAA), Ms. Fatma Tammam (Head of Central Department of Giza Zoo), Mr. Gabriel Mikhail, Environmental Protection and Education Association (EPEA) team, and others.

Dr. Fouda firstly astonished the attendees with an EXELLENT detailed speech on the Egyptian godfather and pioneer of marine science Dr. Prof. Hamed Gohar (1907-1994) and his enormous contributions in exploring the Red Sea creatures, backed up by Ms. Tammam and Mr. Mikhail who shared memories and laughter with everyone. Dr. Fouda also pointed out Egypt's role and duty in enhancing its wildlife habitats that harbor some of the world's rarest animals.  
Dr. Fouda telling Dr. Gohar's terrific story of success

EPEA team, led by Mohammed Ismail, didn't miss a chance to spread enthusiasm and motivation while discussing their YES (Youths' Education on Sustainability) program which aims at spreading environmental awareness among the youth. It was really magnificent seeing such a promising group of young volunteers taking up the responsibility of educating others on the importance of maintaining a sound environment either through school visitations or field trips.
EPEA team

Zulfikar was next to speak of the objective behind this event, clarifying its true message that Japan should be getting by now. She wholeheartedly urged to NEVER buy a ticket to a dolphin show or an aquarium where cetaceans are held captive and abused for lifetime to entertain humans. Dina's message was loud and clear: dolphins, whales and animals in general are beings that have the right to live on this planet as much as we do, and live where they really belong; in their natural habitat. 
Dina explaining the event's goal 

Later on everybody was moving on into one of the garden dark caves. In front of a projector and a wide sheet screen all stood watching Dr. Yasser lecturing on desertification and other significant environmental issues that endanger our planet, and our role as humans in making changes before it's too late. Dr. Kohar followed with a spectacular lecture on Valley of the Whales in El Fayoum وادى الحيتان بالفيوم and its value of being a UNESCO World Heritage Site, accompanied by a great set of illustrations and real photos of the site and its fascinating monuments.
Dr. Yasser lecturing

Dr. Kohar lecturing on Wadi El Hitan (Valley of the Whales)
The day's treat, though, was getting to hear the youngest attendee's word. Beautiful son of Dr. Yasser Adel, Ahmed, made sure to leave a strong message to those in charge of or do promote for captivity; saying:
"Instead of killing and kidnapping dolphins & whales, why don't you establish more tourist destinations in the oceans where people get to watch them in their natural habitat and you could still make profit out of it?"

The event was ended by a short tour around the place and small discussions among dedicated environmentalists and animal advocates from all ages catching up on recent issues and tips to solve them as quick and safe as possible.


Related links:
*Petition (sign & share, please): http://www.causes.com/olympicdolphins
*Global Event Finder (participate and promote in you country, please): http://olympicdolphins.com/action/ and https://www.facebook.com/events/198864223593289/


Tuesday, 11 June 2013

List of Vegan\Vegetarian Musicians

The approach of veganism has grown increasingly among different cultures over the past decade due to the continuous barbaric acts against our fellow animals that many people became aware of and even witnessed themselves. Some others chose to adopt a green-based diet to avoid any ongoing or future health issues and spare the next generation them, too. The knowledge of the necessity of a cruelty-free life and a whole-green food system can be seen promoted by a great deal of celebrities who we all love and appreciate, what makes them more of role models to their fans and societies.

As a music fanatic, I decided to make a list of famous musicians who are vegans\vegetarians (either for ethical or dietary purposes), as well as animal rights advocates and environmentalists. This is our thank-you to all of them for being devoted, inspiring and thoughtful of innocent beings in need of our compassion and mercy.

- Sir Paul McCartney of The Beatles [¹]
- Krist Novoselic of Nirvana
- Robert Smith of The Cure
- Peter Gabriel of Genesis
- Robin Gibb of Bee Gees
- Thom Yorke of Radiohead
- Peter Murphy of Bauhaus
- Siouxsie Sioux of Siouxise and the Banshees
- Antony Kiedis of Red Hot Chili Peppers
- John Marr of The Smiths & Modest Mouse [²]
- Ben Gibbard of Death Cab for Cutie & The Postal Service
- Tim Commerford of Rage Against The Machine
- Robin Pechnold of Fleet Foxes
- All members of 30 Seconds To Mars
- Sherif Sami of Go! Save The Hostages
- Moataz Rashad Malinky of The Chicken Came First

Leto: actor, musician and animal rights activist

McCarteny











- Bryan Adams
- Moby
- Pink
- Justin Timberlake
- Shania Twain
- Avril Lavigne
- Joy Valencia


Moby

- Geezer Butler & Bill Ward of Black Sabbath
- Kirk Hammett of Metallica
- Attila Csihar of Mayhem
- Bill Steer of Napalm Death
- Gaahl of Gorgoroth [³]
- Rikki Rockett of Poison
- Kin Owen & Jiff Walker of Carcass
- Rob Zombie
- Mille Petrozza of Kreator
- Ville Valo of HIM
- Marco Benevento of The Foreshadowing & How Like A Winter
- Derrick Green of Sepeltura
- Serj Tankian of System of a Down
- Angela Gossow of Arch Enemy
- Liv Kristine of Theatre of Tragedy
- Alissa White-Gluz of The Agonist
- Fallon Bowman of Kittie
- Chris Adler of Lamb of God
- Brian Fair of Shadows Fall
- Oliver Skyes of Bring Me The Horizon
- 4 members (out of 5) of Between The Buried And Me
- Jona Weinhofen of Bleeding Through & I Killed The Prom Queen
- All members of Heaven Shall Burn
- Ted Kirkpatrick of Tourniquet [4]

Zombie

Benevento
Gossow
Heaven Shall Burn


Kirkpatrick






















1. Watch "Glass Walls", a documentary on factory farmed animals narrated by Paul McCartney.

2. Watch Modest Mouse's "King Rat", a music video opposing illegal commercial whale hunt and directed by deceased actor Heath Ledger. The song's 1st month of iTunes purchases was donated to Sea Shepherd Conservation Society.

3. Not confirmed.

4. The American Christian Metal band addresses animal abuse in their lyrics and has a tribute song "86 Bullets" to Tyke the circus elephant who was shot 86 times. The band also runs a Facebook page The Tourniquet Ark in association with The Barking Army, promoting awareness against animal cruelty.


*Special thanks goes to Francesco Sosto of The Foreshadowing and Ted Kirkpatrick of Tourniquet.