Friday, 10 June 2016

Non-Muslim's Fast: Day 1, 2 and 3

As a non-Muslim living in a Muslim country like Egypt, where the value of religious teachings is greatly integrated with the value of traditions—so much that no values now remain, I had not fasted for the past 7 years. At the age of 18 when my life and the political and social atmosphere were different, not allowing so much freedom, I had to lie all Ramadan long and fake my fast, by the age of 20 it was a whole new era and "openly violating Ramadan fast" as Dar al-Efta calls it was something that was becoming somewhat socially acceptable.

Ramadan according to Islam is a month when Muslims get to practice abstention in all manners of life; to restrain oneself from human desires such as eating, drinking, having sex and entertaining, and have a taste of life at its very least. It is Allah's way to teach his followers how to train themselves to dispose all mundane matters and advocate only to his worship and contemplation.

How far are Muslims diverting from that truth nowadays! Ramadan's spirit in most Arab countries is now all about how much food we can get on our tables by the time of Iftar. It is now about drinks and desserts and the endless hours spent watching lame TV shows being aired every hour of the day. It is now about spending much more money that we can afford on family gatherings, and wasting tons of food that the poor eventually pick up from the garbage. It is now about the millions spent on commercials, money that is being stolen from us all year long by mobile networks like Vodafone and other sinister corporations , and we always seem to accept and even welcome the mockery capitalism is making out of us. Ramadan is now about overstraining, not restraining.

I've read so much about the health benefits of fasting and how much it affects our physical and mental wellbeing, but never had I before last week decided to give it a try. Over the past year I've grown attached to things and my desire for food and sex was immerse and unstoppable. I keep/kept remembering days when my soul clung to nothing but the presence of the moon and the stars and the fact of how small I am, and I want that feeling back; the sense of liberty of the desire to possess.

After a 4-day retreat in Dahshour, away from Cairo's noise and close to myself,  I realized my only need at the time was to dispose what I am and what I have in order for my soul to purify and my calm and peace are back to me again. Ramadan came soon after and so did a revelation: I have to fast!

Ardi, an eco-village in Dahshour

On Ramadan 1st I wasn't thoroughly into the idea, all the food in our fridge was calling me to devour every bit of it and I could not resist. It's then when I got really agitated at myself; why couldn't I resist? It's just food, and decided it was time to free myself.

On Ramadan 2nd, I fasted entirely; meaning no food, no water, no sex, no bad language, and no single desire fulfilled. It was difficult, and on many occasions I was about to break the fast since I was thirsty after a trip to my mother's place. The smell of her cooking filled the house, the day was long and boring and I had to fall asleep to spare myself the thirst and hunger that filled my body to the bones.

At sunset (Iftar time) there was a lot of water drinking until I was almost full, and then too little eating. I was content with that result. I felt I did succeed at curbing my desires although it was tiring and hard.

The 3rd day of Ramadan was almost the same, fasting while paying my in-laws a visit, only this time the trip was horrible. It took my husband and I 2:30 hours to get there, and the heat was unbearable. When we finally got there I was so dehydrated I couldn't stand up. I was dizzy and shaky, which meant I'd lost too much water (thanks to climate change and Cairo's traffic).  It fortunately felt better after an hour of rest in a cool room. At Iftar, there was too much food and too little eating.

The night was the most interesting part, on our way home no conversation was held between me and my partner, giving me the chance to think properly of what effects the fast could have on me. I already felt a change within me that I knew was about to change a lot about my current state of mind. I was ready to become calmer and more accepting, putting my place as a human into perspective. I was ready to let go of the things I thought were important in my daily life to make it easier. Whatever anger I held toward the world was not going to go away by excessive indulgence in food and possessions.  

Yesterday, the 4th day of Ramadan, I'm at home with my partner working and cooking. We both agreed we should encourage each other to fast during Ramadan and after. We're doing good so far, I can feel our spiritual selves growing while being fed with patience, respect and gratitude.

Overall, after 3 consecutive days of fasting I feel much more calmer and healthier and more grateful for the things I've taken for granted for so long. I used food, coffee, cigarettes, sex and bad language to sooth my anger and it was not helping; in fact, it turned into an addiction of some sort—but I'm now happy for my soul to have started disposing the things it was attached to and yearned to possess, and for my mind to finally realize what it needs and what it doesn't.


Saturday, 25 July 2015

About A Cat

Picture her a feline in black coat aimlessly wandering Cairo streets in search for food and a casual fuck. Known for her selfishness and detachment. Probably easier to cling to places than to people, believing and feeling that the energy of a place has the biggest impact on her state of mind, while people's energy is ineffective and could not do her good or harm, unless they're close, which they never are.

Now picture her wilderness in harmony with the surroundings, the feng-shai of her natural habitat where she once or twice― spent time contemplating Earth's grace, climbing mountains, stargazing and talking to the moon.

Every now and then she likes to recall those moments and it's like they're brought back to life. Feeling the wind penetrating her smallest pours, and the smell of what was green and what was white. And, oh, the smell of the ocean like her vast and vague. She likes to recall the touch of sand to the bottom of her feet, the touch of sunrays to her pale dark skin, and the touch of his fingers through her hair.

Like a cat, she would rub her head against his chest then rest between his arms. Like a cat, she would one moment call out for attention, the next she'd comfort herself in a box of tranquility and isolation. And like a cat, she would declare herself the goddess of all earthly and unearthly affairs then go about her business knowing she never really belonged with anyone. Such unpredictability and curiosity will be the death of her, but she minds not. 

Thursday, 23 July 2015


I need to single-handedly be able to fix what I let others break in me and come to accept all that I am. I don't need to be daily reminded of what I used to deem ugly about myself. I don't need someone to point out the stretch marks on my legs, the scars on my hands given by a loving animal, my soon-to-be-fat body, or that I'm unemployed, poor, have no family and lonely in this mess of a capital.

Because, deep down I no longer see these things ugly about me, and it would be nice to be called beautiful when doubt knocks on the door and my mind is troubled. I need someone else to tell me I'm not crazy and right about my self-perception, that it's normal to have stretch marks, and how beautiful it is to be loved by an animal. I need them to remind me that how I look is only up to me, and whether thin or fat, it's the smile on my face that'll determine my beauty. I need them to talk about wild spirits in the world of materialism, and that mundane matters like money and non-acquired family bonds should never trouble a soul like mine.

I'm a strong girl in a cruel world, but sometimes, only sometimes I need assurance. 

Wednesday, 22 July 2015


There're some mornings when I wake up and remember where I really belong, and it's like a dagger piercing through my heart and the gap in my chest is now wide open for all the grief and resentment of the world to reside. And as hours of the day go by, I grow bitter and weary of my roots and the shackles that bind me to this hectic city, of the memory of places I once was and places I now should be. If it weren't for the physical and material limitations, I would have had a freer soul, I would have gone places no human has ever trodden, I would have never settled, I would have never been filled with so much bitterness and weariness of all I am and all around me. 

Thursday, 27 November 2014


So were the findings I scattered..
Alone, and flowers I gathered for you..
So were they, in crimson nights, to falter..
But so was I, to forever wait and ponder..
Of you, in crimson mornings I blossomed..
By divine melodies they sang, was watered..
And sunrays pierced through my soul..
And winds beckoned the smells to linger..
Then scattered all my findings to heavens..
And stars looming and moon in pending..
So were they, like I, for eternity yearning..
For you, there is no point in waiting..
If eternity shall not end..

Thursday, 28 August 2014


If it wasn't for the fear of losing..
I would have conquered your within..
I would have extinguished your marrow flames,
With water flowing down my womb..
I would have stolen the good in you..
Left you to nothing but ashes and bones..
If it wasn't for the fear of falling..
I would have come ease your pain..
And mine, you would have done the same..
But that you are close, yet far away..
I am content..
 Or my heart only tells me so!

Monday, 7 July 2014


Crawl into me and do fill..
For void is my essence and you..
Like air, shall sear in my lungs..
If you don't exist, then how can I?

The Veil

A night is..
but a veil..
hide our failure..
but to collide..
through our bodies..
I don't feel..
the you atop..
the me inside..

Friday, 4 July 2014


Consciousness could not go to sleep..
When eyes the heart was, wide awake..
Observing your beauty that flickered..
And as the sun set..
I gazed into the horizon..
Only to find you gone..

Sunday, 29 June 2014

Why I Choose to Be Kind (Even When You're Not)

After being struck by life ordeals and let down by almost everyone and everything they hold dear, people often- if not always- decide on downsizing their expectations and faith in selves and others. They willingly relinquish all that makes them what they are in the hopes of straying off the path of pains and heartbreaks caused by those they love. One day they wake up and decide they no longer want to be kind to anyone, including themselves. Some succeed in achieving that; they go on in their lives believing that merely being mean and hurtful to people will keep them safe and strong. Some others spend their whole lives in constant attempt to stop being kind- they try over and over to be someone they're not, and they fail all but one thing: hating themselves.

I used to be that type of person, wanting and trying so hard to be something other than myself, to be unkind and somehow avenge those who caused me harm and even those who didn't. I tried to become those kids who once bullied me in school, to become my father who abused me, to become my ex-boyfriend who lied and manipulated me, to become the world full of rage, cruelty and hideousness. I failed, thus I hated myself.

But then during my spiritual growth phase, I taught myself how to love each and every aspect in me. Dare I not admit kindness was the hardest one to embrace; the fear of dropping my defenses and showing my true self seemed to never end; let alone the self-doubts. It took me years and more brain cells that I could afford to eventually go back to being the good me.

But how do we really do it? How do we come to desire kindness to be part of us again? I asked myself the following questions:
Is being good an instinct or a choice?
- What are the Pros and Cons of kindness?
- What's the true color of the people who hurt me and I want to be like?
- Why do I censure myself that much? And what will happen if I do otherwise?
- Fuck what others feel or think, but is it fair to me? Is it worth it?

Of course the answers to those questions did not rush into my head right away as I asked them. It takes quite a lot of mental workout to perform daily to eventually get to the bottom of it.

Being kind to anyone is initially an innate quality that's later in life affected by several factors, depending on how one's raised and what they experience during their lifetime. However, when goodness is no longer the most common or favorable quality according to our world standards, choosing to be good manifests great power, self-esteem and self-respect that's not likely to one day shaken or falter.

When you, with all your will, pick the path less traveled by; nothing will ever make you doubt yourself.

On the other hand, those who make the easy choice of altering themselves into something they are not so that they can cope up with the world are nothing but fragile impudent little brats. And I'm telling you, they get nowhere with it- not to mention- are incapable of feeling satisfaction with their own choices, because, well, they're never pleased with themselves.

When Malala Yousafzai was interviewed by Jon Stewart, she spoke of her thought about how she'd react to a Taliban member if he came to kill her. Instead of throwing a shoe on him that would make her no different than that terrorist, she said she'd try to use reason and dialogue to change his mind. The young girl stands firm for her beliefs and refuses to allow someone to downplay her ethics, even when a life is at stack.

I confess there're times when the human condition brings me to my knees. Wars, violence, poverty, hunger, abuse, discrimination; it all makes me cringe and want to finish off the human race- also that time of the month (the perks of being female)... oh! And when I'm hungry (please let us not go there, I just had dinner).

 So I'm not saying we should be 24\7 kind to everyone, turn into hippies of some sort, smoke up all day and call out for 'love, joy and happiness', it's neither mentally nor physically doable.

All I'm saying is be kind whenever possible. Be kind in a world that's in a grave need for a movement of kindness to sweep away all its dreadfulness.
Be kind even when they're not- no, especially then. May it inspire them to do the same.

And lest we forget, be kind to yourself!

Thursday, 20 February 2014


I was looking for a man with answers, what I did not know that neither answers had somebody to go to.

Answers, those I bore as truth, were just like me..
taken for granted
left behind
and alone.

Along the way only one answer did get lucky, one truth had me to go to..
that there is no God,
there's no such thing as a man with answers!

Monday, 27 January 2014

2013/2014 Winter Playlist

Tenhi – Rannalta Haettu (listen here)
Flackenbach – Eweroun (listen here)
Agalloch – Odal (listen here)
Dargaard - Ave Atque vale (listen here)
Jaaportit – Suon Sulaessa (listen here)
Ulver – Island (listen here)
:Of the Wand and the Moon – Sunspot (listen here)
Chelsea Wolfe – We Hit a Wall (listen here)
Kauan – Pirut (listen here)
Officium Triste – Your Heaven, My Underworld (listen here)
Autumn, Leaves, Scars – Things That Shall Be Burned (listen here)
October Tide – Adoring Ashes (listen here)
Eternal Tears of Sorrow – Angelheart, Ravenheart (Act I, II, and III) (listen here)
3rd and the Mortal – Why So Lonely (listen here)
Woods of Ypres – Alternate Ending (listen here)
30 Watt Sun – Carry Me Home (listen here)
Slowdive – When the Sun Hits (listen here)
Arctic Plateau – On a Sad Sunny Day (listen here)
Les Discrets – Le Mouvement Perpétuel (listen here)
Alcest - Les Voyages De L'Ame (listen here)
Deafheaven – Vertigo (listen here)
Summoning – Flammifer (listen here)
Ihsahn – Regen (listen here)
Grizzly Bear – All We Ask (listen here)
Mogwai – Special N (listen here)
Russian Circles – 1777 (listen here)
Lantlôs - .neon (listen here)
Amiina – Rugla (listen here)
Morne – A Distance (listen here)
Cult of Luna - Vicarious Redemption (listen here)
Six Organs of Admittance – When You Finally Return (listen here)
Opeth – Deliverance (listen here)
Dream Theatre – Illumination Theory (listen here)
Steven Wilson – The Raven That Refused to Sing (listen here)
The Ocean – Pelagial (Instrumental) (listen here)
El Morabba3 – Ma Indak Khabar (listen here)
Mazzy Star – Flying Low (listen here)

Listen to full Playlist here

Saturday, 26 October 2013

Silver Lines

Skins of silver lines..
My plain dress, you stripped..
Figures divine..
And if averse..
Your roots reach out for mine..

Thursday, 20 June 2013

Report: Global Olympic Dolphins Campaign In Egypt

Event: Global Olympic Dolphins Campaign Protests

Date: June 15th, 2013

Location: Aquarium Grotto Garden in Cairo, Egypt

Earth's oceans and the future of entire species stand at the verge of dilapidation as nations of the world feel supercilious enough to desecrate a content that covers 70% of the surface of the planet, and wipe out a whole species of sensitive, highly intelligent cetaceans that evolved over millions of years; namely dolphins & whales.

The whale & dolphin hunt is carried out by many countries like Denmark, Iceland, Norway and Japan – particularly Taiji- that drew the world's rage and resentment over its annually dolphin drive hunt for meat and trade after it was videoed and broadcasted live by Sea Shepherd. The world got to see the brutality of it, how families of dolphins were barbarically slaughtered while young ones were taken captive for dolphinariums. Thus, a global campaign dedicated to bringing the international condemnation of the Japanese whale and dolphin hunts to the attention of the International Olympic Committee in the run up to Japan’s 2020 Olympic bid –quoting OD- was launched and protests are being held on the 29th of June worldwide

In Egypt, due to the ongoing unrest, the protest was held on June 15th at Aquarium Grotto Garden حديقة الأسماك بالزمالك, organized by Dina Zulfikar (Animal Rights Activist), Mahmoud Fouad (Marine Ecologist & Nature Conservation Consultant), Dr. Kohar Garo (Professor of Zoology at Cairo UNI.) and Dr. Yasser Adel (Assistant Professor at Desert Research Center).

The event started by the arrival of guests: Dr. Moustafa Fouda (Director of Nature Conservation Sector, EEAA), Ms. Fatma Tammam (Head of Central Department of Giza Zoo), Mr. Gabriel Mikhail, Environmental Protection and Education Association (EPEA) team, and others.

Dr. Fouda firstly astonished the attendees with an EXELLENT detailed speech on the Egyptian godfather and pioneer of marine science Dr. Prof. Hamed Gohar (1907-1994) and his enormous contributions in exploring the Red Sea creatures, backed up by Ms. Tammam and Mr. Mikhail who shared memories and laughter with everyone. Dr. Fouda also pointed out Egypt's role and duty in enhancing its wildlife habitats that harbor some of the world's rarest animals.  
Dr. Fouda telling Dr. Gohar's terrific story of success

EPEA team, led by Mohammed Ismail, didn't miss a chance to spread enthusiasm and motivation while discussing their YES (Youths' Education on Sustainability) program which aims at spreading environmental awareness among the youth. It was really magnificent seeing such a promising group of young volunteers taking up the responsibility of educating others on the importance of maintaining a sound environment either through school visitations or field trips.
EPEA team

Zulfikar was next to speak of the objective behind this event, clarifying its true message that Japan should be getting by now. She wholeheartedly urged to NEVER buy a ticket to a dolphin show or an aquarium where cetaceans are held captive and abused for lifetime to entertain humans. Dina's message was loud and clear: dolphins, whales and animals in general are beings that have the right to live on this planet as much as we do, and live where they really belong; in their natural habitat. 
Dina explaining the event's goal 

Later on everybody was moving on into one of the garden dark caves. In front of a projector and a wide sheet screen all stood watching Dr. Yasser lecturing on desertification and other significant environmental issues that endanger our planet, and our role as humans in making changes before it's too late. Dr. Kohar followed with a spectacular lecture on Valley of the Whales in El Fayoum وادى الحيتان بالفيوم and its value of being a UNESCO World Heritage Site, accompanied by a great set of illustrations and real photos of the site and its fascinating monuments.
Dr. Yasser lecturing

Dr. Kohar lecturing on Wadi El Hitan (Valley of the Whales)
The day's treat, though, was getting to hear the youngest attendee's word. Beautiful son of Dr. Yasser Adel, Ahmed, made sure to leave a strong message to those in charge of or do promote for captivity; saying:
"Instead of killing and kidnapping dolphins & whales, why don't you establish more tourist destinations in the oceans where people get to watch them in their natural habitat and you could still make profit out of it?"

The event was ended by a short tour around the place and small discussions among dedicated environmentalists and animal advocates from all ages catching up on recent issues and tips to solve them as quick and safe as possible.

Related links:
*Petition (sign & share, please):
*Global Event Finder (participate and promote in you country, please): and

Tuesday, 11 June 2013

List of Vegan\Vegetarian Musicians

The approach of veganism has grown increasingly among different cultures over the past decade due to the continuous barbaric acts against our fellow animals that many people became aware of and even witnessed themselves. Some others chose to adopt a green-based diet to avoid any ongoing or future health issues and spare the next generation them, too. The knowledge of the necessity of a cruelty-free life and a whole-green food system can be seen promoted by a great deal of celebrities who we all love and appreciate, what makes them more of role models to their fans and societies.

As a music fanatic, I decided to make a list of famous musicians who are vegans\vegetarians (either for ethical or dietary purposes), as well as animal rights advocates and environmentalists. This is our thank-you to all of them for being devoted, inspiring and thoughtful of innocent beings in need of our compassion and mercy.

- Sir Paul McCartney of The Beatles [¹]
- Krist Novoselic of Nirvana
- Robert Smith of The Cure
- Peter Gabriel of Genesis
- Robin Gibb of Bee Gees
- Thom Yorke of Radiohead
- Peter Murphy of Bauhaus
- Siouxsie Sioux of Siouxise and the Banshees
- Antony Kiedis of Red Hot Chili Peppers
- John Marr of The Smiths & Modest Mouse [²]
- Ben Gibbard of Death Cab for Cutie & The Postal Service
- Tim Commerford of Rage Against The Machine
- Robin Pechnold of Fleet Foxes
- All members of 30 Seconds To Mars
- Sherif Sami of Go! Save The Hostages
- Moataz Rashad Malinky of The Chicken Came First

Leto: actor, musician and animal rights activist


- Bryan Adams
- Moby
- Pink
- Justin Timberlake
- Shania Twain
- Avril Lavigne
- Joy Valencia


- Geezer Butler & Bill Ward of Black Sabbath
- Kirk Hammett of Metallica
- Attila Csihar of Mayhem
- Bill Steer of Napalm Death
- Gaahl of Gorgoroth [³]
- Rikki Rockett of Poison
- Kin Owen & Jiff Walker of Carcass
- Rob Zombie
- Mille Petrozza of Kreator
- Ville Valo of HIM
- Marco Benevento of The Foreshadowing & How Like A Winter
- Derrick Green of Sepeltura
- Serj Tankian of System of a Down
- Angela Gossow of Arch Enemy
- Liv Kristine of Theatre of Tragedy
- Alissa White-Gluz of The Agonist
- Fallon Bowman of Kittie
- Chris Adler of Lamb of God
- Brian Fair of Shadows Fall
- Oliver Skyes of Bring Me The Horizon
- 4 members (out of 5) of Between The Buried And Me
- Jona Weinhofen of Bleeding Through & I Killed The Prom Queen
- All members of Heaven Shall Burn
- Ted Kirkpatrick of Tourniquet [4]


Heaven Shall Burn


1. Watch "Glass Walls", a documentary on factory farmed animals narrated by Paul McCartney.

2. Watch Modest Mouse's "King Rat", a music video opposing illegal commercial whale hunt and directed by deceased actor Heath Ledger. The song's 1st month of iTunes purchases was donated to Sea Shepherd Conservation Society.

3. Not confirmed.

4. The American Christian Metal band addresses animal abuse in their lyrics and has a tribute song "86 Bullets" to Tyke the circus elephant who was shot 86 times. The band also runs a Facebook page The Tourniquet Ark in association with The Barking Army, promoting awareness against animal cruelty.

*Special thanks goes to Francesco Sosto of The Foreshadowing and Ted Kirkpatrick of Tourniquet.