Not long ago I met a girl whom I very much admired and liked for her wits and beauty and giving that I had always been with men, I thought this was only a passing flare of mere admiration and a little bit of jealousy that would fade away as soon as I see/meet a man I wanted to be with. Not long after, I knew I was wrong.
As these questions rushed into my head, I felt extremely guilty and ashamed for wanting to experiment and inflect my own 'sickening' curiosity upon others. I felt ashamed for desiring something that my society deemed as forbidden and repulsive. Ashamed for having those whims of mine that eventually led me to thinking the concept of being with a person of the same sex was acceptable as long as I was only experimenting.
Before then I had never had any hard feelings toward homosexuality and seemed to only embrace this choice when it was associated with others but not me. So basically, what I was doing was not only judging myself, but also being a hypocrite.
The journey with sexual acceptance started with respecting my body and self. After being around many people (family, friends, boyfriends) who bore not the fact that a girl had much more to her than her vagina and spot in the kitchen, after I proved them all wrong by rebelling and facing the world out there on my own, I knew my worth. I understood that being a woman was no different from being a human being- that maybe everybody around me would underestimate my abilities, think of me as a creature which all it could do was mate and serve, and keep me home for the fear of letting me out on my own would lessen the odds of causing my family shame (by the same things men would do but were deemed rather 'manly' and 'tolerated')- all of which didn't mean I had to treat myself the same. Better yet, I knew it was time I forced them all treat me differently.
Things hence changed, and so did my whole life. It turns out the more you respect and tolerate yourself with all its flaws, desires, insanities and beliefs, the more successful and life-loving you get. Then, only then there's no stopping you from what you have always wanted to be. That's what happened to me.
My self-image was consequently reflected in the way I perceived people, especially women. Deep down I know they are not any less than men, so shouldn't be my feelings toward them. I dated girls and I liked it and I am not ashamed of it. I am no longer ashamed of being with one because I never feel ashamed while being with a man.
Today October 11th happens to be National Coming Out Day in the US and Europe maybe, but not where I live. Nonetheless I had to seize the chance of remembering when I came out as bisexual and how important it was to finally come to embrace it. Many said I was still in an in-between phase, others said I didn't know what I wanted, others believed I had threesomes and had to be with a guy and girl at the same time (LOL, yeah), and others thought I was only scared of admitting to being a lesbian. NO! I am bisexual and that's about it. (Further rationalization in the video below)
I also need to seize the chance to thank whoever never judged me for it. Those who accepted me for what I was and am and did not use it against me or pretend to be fine with it, you know who you are, thank you!